T-Minus 9 Months Part-1

I’ve been married for 10 years and together with my husband for 15 years. I wanted to wait until I was older to have children. But then the years went by and honestly I enjoyed being childless. My husband, however had made no secret of the fact he wanted children, but he always left it up to me to decide if and when. I remained hesitant. I had my reasons. I had a sister who was thirteen years younger than me and due to family dynamics, I took care of a great deal. I knew the work that went into a baby. I also worried how the dynamics of my marriage would change. I never felt ready. Truthfully, I don’t think you’re ever ready. Yet whether I should or should no have a child became an ever increasing thought with every year I grew older.
I needed to settle this, so the question I asked myself, is in the future when I’m fifty or sixty and I have no children or grandchildren would I look back and regret this. The answer was yes. I knew I would regret not having children. So I needed to bite the bullet and just do it.
I genuinely thought it would be easy to get pregnant. It happens all the time. As a modern women, you spend a good majority of your life fearing that you might get pregnant, that it doesn’t occur to you that you might not be able to. It didn’t happen in 3 months, or 6 or 9. It took a year. I even had a test to check to make sure everything was on the up and up. The lady who did my ultrasound told me that she’d helped two other women get pregnant. Turns out I would be lucky number three. I won’t go into extensive details, but she told me when to try and we tried then and it worked.
There were a few times in the past year where I thought I was pregnant, only to take a test and receive a big fat negative. I was convinced that when I got pregnant I would know because I would get sick immediately. It didn’t happen that way at all. So five days before my period was due, I could no longer wait, I took the test. I’d done this before and it had always been negative but this time it was positive. I couldn’t believe it, I took the second test…same result. I called my husband at work, (something I never do) and he called me back worried as what was wrong. I told him we were having a baby. He was upset that I didn’t wait for him to do it together but dropped it because, firstly he knows me and secondly, bigger picture at the moment. I asked him to pick up a different brand on the way home. Those two tests would also be positive. We were having a baby and I was elated, relieved, and terrified. Nothing would ever be the same again.

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